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  ‘She’s so affectionate,’ Toni assured Loretta, still sounding distracted. ‘Are you OK with dogs? I recall you kept a cat in Oxford. She’s a full English bulldog, I wanted one for years and Jay got her for my last birthday. I’m sorry about the mess,’ she apologised again, looking helplessly at the untidy heaps of clothes. ‘Term’s over but I had to rush out and see one of my graduate students one more time before he went home to Kansas. He lives midtown so we generally meet up in a café instead of trailing all the way up to Columbia.’ She leaned back on the bed, supporting herself on outstretched arms. ‘This kid,’ she said, still not answering Loretta’s original question, ‘he’s very bright but he will not concentrate. It’s all free association, if we go on like this he’s gonna turn in the first stream-of-consciousness thesis. One week he tells me – OK, this is how I do my first chapter, then I take up this point, then I go here ... Two weeks later it’s like the whole conversation never happened.’

  ‘What’s his subject?’

  ‘Huh, you tell me. I mean, Carver, that’s the one thing we’re all agreed on ...’ She sat up straight. ‘Loretta, can I get you a drink? You like tea, right? Or maybe you’d prefer something cold? How’s everyone at St Frid’s?’ It was a while since Toni had spent a term as a visiting fellow at St Frideswide’s, the Oxford college where Loretta taught part-time, and she was still trying to work out who had left or published books or done anything else of note when Toni got up. ‘Kitchen’s in here,’ she said, crossing the room and pushing open a door, ‘bathroom’s next door. I put out some clean towels, and I changed the sheets on the bed.’

  Loretta heard a tap being turned on, presumably Toni filling the kettle. She got up and went to the window, stooping to examine the air-conditioning unit. It was turned up high and Loretta wondered if there was any setting which would keep the room cool without making such a din; there were several dials and buttons, and she would ask Toni later. She straightened and looked out of the window at a modern building across the street — not much of a view, she thought, relinquishing her fantasy of looking out on to the Guggenheim Museum or the Art Deco spire of the Chrysler building. The flat was fifteen floors up, high enough to make her slightly queasy as she looked down on to a broad avenue jammed with almost stationary traffic. Loretta wondered which it was, vaguely remembering names on the Upper West Side from her map — Columbus, Amsterdam, West End Avenue.

  ‘What street are we on? I mean, what avenue?’ she asked, moving away from the window as Toni came back into the room carrying a mug.

  ‘West End. Riverside Drive’s over there,’ she added, pointing towards the door of the apartment. ‘You take sugar?’

  Loretta shook her head.

  ‘I didn’t think so. Listen, Loretta.’ She put the mug on the coffee table in front of the sofa and went back to the bed. ‘I hate to do this to you on your first night. What it is, Jay ...’ She paused, and Loretta remembered that Jay was Toni’s boyfriend. She knew he played tenor sax in a jazz band, but nothing else about him. Toni said rapidly: ‘Jay totaled his car two nights ago, he was driving back from an out-of-town gig in New Jersey.’ She saw Loretta’s expression and hurried to reassure her. ‘He’s fine apart from a whole lot of bruising. But it’s messed up the weekend, I don’t have a car so we’re gonna have to take the jitney to Long Island –’

  ‘The what?’

  ‘The jitney. The bus. And it’s full tomorrow, all booked up, so we have to leave this afternoon. The other thing is, now we don’t have the car, Honey isn’t so used to people that I totally trust her. Not for three hours, which is how long it can take to the Hamptons at this time of day. All you need to do is walk her twice a day, her food’s in the kitchen –’

  Loretta stared at her. ‘You mean you want me to look after ...’ She turned to the animal, realised how rude she must have sounded and tried to retrieve the situation. ‘I mean, of course, does she have any special ... No, stay.’ She put out a hand as the dog heaved itself to its feet and began plodding across the sofa towards her, its paws sinking into the cushions. It sank back on to its haunches, giving Loretta the same reproachful look she had seen a few minutes before, and it crossed her mind that at least it seemed to be obedient.

  ‘She won’t be any trouble, really,’ Toni said pleadingly. ‘I’m sorry to dump this on you at short notice, I called the theatre and they said maybe you could sell my ticket. It’s near the end of the run but there are always a few people who show up on the night –’

  ‘Oh God, the theatre,’ Loretta exclaimed, too worried about the dog to have thought of it before.

  ‘I’m sorry, Loretta. Didn’t you say you had a friend in town? Maybe he could –’

  ‘John Tracey,’ Loretta said quickly. ‘My ex-husband. He’s flying up from Washington tomorrow.’

  Toni grimaced. ‘Shit. I booked a table for dinner after the show and I was hoping ...’ She went to a cupboard, her voice muffled as she yanked open the door and hauled a holdall into the room. ‘I feel so bad about this but there isn’t anything I can do. Jay fixed it with his parents weeks ago –’

  ‘His parents?’ Loretta hadn’t realised that this was the purpose of the trip to Long Island.

  Toni seemed mildly embarrassed. ‘His father’s a Minister, I only met him once but he’s big on family.’ She laughed nervously. ‘Jay’s parents, they go to church like you and I go to the bathroom. They have a sign in the yard — you know, it lights up at night. “We want to share God’s love with you”.’

  ‘You mean he’s an evangelist? Like Jim Bakker?’

  Toni shrugged. ‘Don’t ask me, I was raised Catholic. I don’t know much about these Protestant sects.’

  Loretta said: ‘You really have to go tonight?’

  Toni held out her hands, palm up. ‘I’m sorry, Loretta.’

  ‘It’s my fault,’ Loretta said generously. ‘I should have given you more notice. I’ll be all right.’

  Toni gave her a regretful smile and changed the subject. ‘Is Christopher meeting you at Heathrow?’

  ‘Christopher?’ Loretta sipped her tea, realising Toni was out of date about her love life. ‘That finished ages ago, before I went to California. He wanted us to live together and I really couldn’t ... I just don’t want to live with anyone. You know the old saying — you start off sinking into his arms and end up with your arms in his sink? Every relationship I’ve had starts as an affair and ends up with a row in Sainsbury’s on Saturday morning. You know, those stupid arguments about what to have for dinner and whose turn it is to put the rubbish out. I’ve had it with domesticity,’ she finished, suddenly and unexpectedly feeling better about Sean.

  ‘You’re not scared of being lonely, Loretta? I mean, it makes a lot of sense in principle ... But what about when you’re old? Really old, I mean?’

  Loretta smiled. ‘Older than I am now? I have lots of friends, and you can be even lonelier in a bad relationship. I was amazed how much better I felt when my marriage ended.’

  ‘I hear what you’re saying,’ said Toni, ‘but...’

  ‘But what?’

  ‘What about children?’

  Her voice was suddenly strained. Loretta shrugged and said lightly: ‘It’s not an issue for me.’

  ‘Really?’ Toni sounded unconvinced, as though she was about to say something else, but instead she got up and began folding clothes. ‘Do you mind if we — I don’t find it easy to talk about it.’

  ‘Of course,’ said Loretta, baffled. She hadn’t brought up the subject.

  ‘It’s not easy at this age,’ Toni blurted out, her back to Loretta. ‘I mean, you think there’s still time and then ...’

  Unable to think of anything else to say, Loretta asked: ‘How old are you?’

  ‘Coming up to 40,’ Toni said crisply. ‘Listen, Loretta, I have to meet Jay at the bus stop in an hour. It’s on 69th and Lex and with this traffic ... What time’s your flight Sunday?’

  Loretta tried to picture the flight coupon. ‘Nineish,
I can’t remember exactly. Nine pm, I mean.’

  ‘So you can walk Honey Sunday night? I asked Denny, he’s my next-door neighbour, to take her out first thing Monday. I’ll give you the spare keys and you can drop them through his door when you leave — 15H. I told the guys on the desk downstairs you were staying, if there’s any problem tell them to look in the book.’

  ‘What book?’

  ‘It’s the building security system, you have to tell them who’s staying and for how long. Oftentimes they forget to tell the next guy on shift, so they write it in a book. Let me get you those theatre tickets, where did I put them?’ She went back to the closet, disappeared inside and returned with them in her hand. ‘If you can’t get rid of it, just cut me a cheque for yours.’

  Loretta said: ‘I was going to give you the money for them. It was going to be my treat — ’

  ‘And I messed it up, I know. Here they are.’

  As Loretta took the tickets she glanced at the price and her eyes widened. At $40 each, it made sense to try and find a buyer for the spare. With a twinge of anxiety she added: ‘Did you say something about a restaurant?’

  ‘Yeah, I booked a table at Dad’s place so there’s no problem about cancelling. But he’d be very pleased to see you, I told him I was bringing a friend. Did I tell you he still makes his own pasta?’ She hesitated, taking an off-white white linen dress from the Bloomingdale’s bag and holding it against her. ‘What do you think?’

  ‘Great,’ lied Loretta, who thought the proportions were all wrong. American women seemed to be a different shape, either worryingly thin or rather too plump; she had bought hardly anything all the time she was living in San Francisco, relying on the summer clothes she had brought with her from Oxford. Toni’s new dress was short and very formal, with padded shoulders and a double-breasted fastening at the front.

  ‘You really think so?’ Toni held the dress away from her. ‘I wonder if it’s too short ... Oh well, it’s too late now.’ She folded the dress and eased it into the holdall, placing a bra and three pairs of pants on top. ‘You’ll need to get a cab to the restaurant,’ she said over her shoulder, finishing her packing. ‘I’ll call Dad and tell him the meal’s on me.’

  ‘Where is it exactly?’

  ‘East 26th and Lexington.’ She zipped her bag and turned to face Loretta. ‘You haven’t been to New York in a while, right? I don’t know what your plans are but if you use the subway, make sure and hide your jewellery. Like this,’ she explained, tucking the necklace she was wearing inside her shirt. ‘And it’s safe to walk in the parks in daylight, but not when it gets dark. Not even at dusk, OK? I’m not trying to scare you but you have to be sensible — stay away from the obvious places, I mean there’s no reason why you should want to go to Harlem or Alphabet City –’

  ‘Alphabet City?’

  ‘You know, Avenue A, Avenue B, the Lower East Side. It’s a big drugs area, there’s a lot of people down there out of their heads on crack.’ She checked her watch again, becoming visibly anxious. ‘I don’t want to be late, let me show you where I keep Honey’s food and the poop-a-scoop.’

  Loretta had been about to launch into a slightly forced speech thanking Toni for allowing her to borrow the flat. ‘Poop-a-scoop?’ she repeated disbelievingly.

  ‘It’s no sweat, really.’ Toni went into the kitchen, explaining over her shoulder the city ordinances on animal faeces. ‘Loretta?’ she called when her friend didn’t move. ‘Could you come in here, please?’

  Loretta turned to the dog and wrinkled her nose, revolted by the idea of obeying Toni and getting a rundown on its toilet arrangements. Dog shit, she thought, I’m going to spend my weekend picking up dog shit...

  ‘Coming,’ she said reluctantly, and followed Toni into the windowless kitchenette.

  Two

  The dog would not let go of her shoe and Loretta was rapidly losing both her temper and her balance. ‘You stupid, stupid animal, ’ she hissed, hanging on to the heel, the only part of the shoe she had been able to grasp when she came out of the bathroom and saw it in the dog’s mouth. ‘You’ve been for a walk, what more do you want?’ The towel she had wrapped round herself when she got out of the bath slipped down, exposing her naked back to the uncurtained windows, and Loretta glanced over one shoulder in an inconclusive attempt to check whether the building across the street was close enough for anyone to see her.

  ‘Oh for God’s sake,’ she snapped, turning back to face the dog, which had begun a new tactic of shaking its head violently from side to side to make her relinquish the shoe. Loretta, who hadn’t anticipated this problem when she undressed for her bath, could not help thinking what a ridiculous figure she must make if anyone was watching the apartment, the bath towel clutched ever more ineffectually in her free hand as the dog redoubled its efforts. Suddenly the phone rang or, more accurately, emitted a long, muffled burr. Loretta abandoned the shoe and fumbled with the towel as she waited for Toni’s answering-machine to cut in; when it didn’t, she turned and made a swift check of the area near the double bed from which the sound seemed to be coming. The phone wasn’t on the bedside table, nor on the high shelf which seemed to contain Toni’s night-time reading, and it took Loretta a moment to realise that the reason for the muted sound was that the handset was actually under the bed. She lifted the cover and groped underneath, her hand colliding with the receiver as the phone rang for the tenth or eleventh time. Dragging it out, she said breathlessly: ‘Yes? I mean — hello.’

  She glanced round the unnaturally tidy room for a pen and paper but couldn’t see anything like a desk. It crossed her mind for the first time that there was nowhere in the apartment for Toni to work; surely she needed to bring books and essays home from time to time? Or did she keep everything in her office at Columbia?

  ‘Sorry,’ she said, vaguely aware of a man’s voice at the other end of the telephone line. ‘Are you ringing for Toni?’

  ‘Toni?’ said the voice, friendly and laconic. ‘This is Michael.’

  ‘Michael?’ It meant nothing to her so she added: ‘I’m sorry, Toni’s not here. She left a couple of hours ago. She’s gone away for the weekend.’

  There was a longish pause. ‘OK. Who am I talking to?’

  ‘Um — my name’s Loretta Lawson. I’m a friend of Toni’s.’

  ‘Hi, Lor — Loretta, did you say?’

  ‘That’s right.’

  ‘Hi, Loretta — nice name. Toni’s not there?’

  ‘No,’ Loretta said firmly, beginning to sweat again as the cooling effect of the bath wore off. ‘Would you like to leave a message?’

  ‘Sure. You English, Loretta?’

  ‘Yes. Hold on a minute while I find some paper.’ She checked the room again, smothered an impatient sigh and went to kneel beside her weekend case, still talking into the receiver. ‘I’ve only just got here, I don’t know where Toni keeps pens and things.’ Belatedly she remembered the cupboard on the other side of the room from which Toni had produced the theatre tickets, but by now her hand had closed on her own spiral notebook and she was flipping it open at a clean page. ‘She’s gone to ... to Long Island, but she’ll be back on Monday.’

  ‘Great. You say you’re a friend of hers, Loretta?’

  ‘Yes. What shall I –’

  ‘Funny, I don’t recall she ever mentioned you. Tell me what you look like, Loretta.’

  ‘What I look like?’

  ‘Yeah, like ... are you an English rose?’

  She gave a puzzled laugh. ‘I haven’t heard that expression for years. No, I think I can safely say I’m not an English rose.’

  ‘OK. Tell me what colour hair you have.’

  ‘My hair? What for?’

  He was immediately contrite. ‘I’m sorry, Loretta, have I offended you?’

  ‘Um –’ She made a sound halfway between a laugh and a gasp. ‘I thought you wanted to leave a message for Toni. I mean, what’s my hair colour got to do with anything?’

  ‘You’re blonde
, right?’

  ‘Well –’

  ‘You are blonde. I truly believe I can tell a whole lot about a person just from hearing their voice and you had to be blonde.’

  Loretta had come across a lot of wacky theories in California, people who consulted crystals before changing their lovers or their jobs, but she had never encountered this one. She pulled a face, hoping he wasn’t going to give her a lecture on astral waves. ‘All right, I’m blonde,’ she said curtly, ‘but what do you want me to tell Toni? Listen, Michael — you did say your name was Michael? I’ve just got out of the bath and I’m going to the theatre this evening, I really ought to get dressed –’

  ‘You just got out of the tub? You mean — you’re not wearing any clothes?’

  ‘What is this?’ cried Loretta, pulling the towel tightly round her and glancing uneasily at the windows. ‘I mean, if you’re a friend of Toni’s –’

  ‘Sure I’m a friend of Toni’s. Hey, Loretta, cool it, all I asked was what you’re wearing. The temperature drops pretty fast at night and if you’re standing there without your clothes you might catch a chill.’

  This was so obviously preposterous that Loretta was about to protest when a thought struck her: how did he know she hadn’t answered the phone sitting down? A shiver ran down her spine as he pressed on. ‘Are you nakedj Loretta? I’m picturing you in Toni’s apartment with your long blonde hair and without your clothes ... You know what I’d like to do, Loretta? I’d like to come on over and –’

  ‘Shit,’ she exclaimed, not quite believing what she’d heard, and slammed the phone down. She stared at it, her heart thumping and her breath coming in gasps, half expecting Michael — if that was his real name, which she doubted — to call back. When he didn’t she began to breathe more easily, telling herself there was nothing to be frightened of, that the flat door was securely locked and anyway a stranger was unlikely to get past the porter on the ground floor. Even so she felt vulnerable, as if the caller really had seen her without her clothes — he seemed to know she had long blonde hair — and she realised how unwise she had been to undress without doing something about the windows. She edged towards them, fumbled with the cords to release the Venetian blinds and let out a sigh of relief as the plastic slats tumbled down and blanked out the building across the street. Loretta thought it was an office block, in which case most of the employees would already have gone home, but she felt safer with the blinds shielding her semi-nakedness.